Month: November 2014

What makes a Real Family?

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the definition of real From the Free Dictionary:
re·al 1 (rē′əl, rēl)
adj.

a. Being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verifiable existence: real objects; a real illness.
b. True and actual; not imaginary, alleged, or ideal: real people, not ghosts; a film based on real life.

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The question what makes a REAL family? seems to infer that we are not actually REAL in our children’s lives.  Our daughter’s each have two REAL families that are part of their lives and love them.

Why do people ask REAL? I’ve been approached and asked in conversation when it is known our family was built through adoption if our girls know their REAL mom? My first thought is that I am as REAL as it gets and then I reply yes in fact they do know and have a relationship with their birth moms and their families. Another question that comes up often is asking if they are REAL sisters? Yes they are, not by blood but through our family they are sisters.

This is when you can decide to educate or walk away. I usually take the effort to educate. I’m not offended when asked this question, it is not asked with malice but more of ignorance on how a family lives in an open adoption. Not everyone is experienced in this. They don’t necessarily know the terminology or quite frankly how it all works. As common as I think our family is in our world, not everyone knows a family like ours.

We are a REAL family ALL of us, we are as REAL as it gets and I am thankful that we are all intertwined as family together with our girls. From our girls’ great grandparents through their siblings from their birth family through to each of our families and each other. The love that surrounds our girls is REAL too and that’s how we like it!

Ask our girls, we, my husband and I, are REAL REAL too!

This my 10th post for National Blog Posting Month, please click #NaBloPoMo to read posts from the many other bloggers participating, Enjoy!

For the thrill of celebrating

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In case you thought I only count down birthdays for my girls … I say “where do you think they learned it from?” ♥  They catch my excitement for me as much as we have for their own birthday countdown!

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Why yes I will be turning 51 in this many days.  Why yes I still countdown to my birthday and look forward to celebrating.  Why should my age stop me?

This year’s birthday is not a significant milestone like last year’s half century mark.  This year’s birthday will be more celebratory as last year we were nursing a sick dog who was just diagnosed with canine cancer and had surgery to remove her spleen and other tumors that were found to be there.

Like every year for as long as I can remember I will enjoy the attention my birthday brings to me! This year my birthday falls on a Sunday of the week both of our girls have off from school for the Thanksgiving break.  So we must come up with a plan.  Having a weekend birthday also means lots more days to celebrate!  Dinner out? Drinks with friends? A trip to Napa/Sonoma?  A day in San Francisco?  So much to plan and think about!

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How do you celebrate your birthday?

This is my post for day 9 of National Blog Posting Month.  Please read the many other bloggers participating in NaBloPoMo and Enjoy!

Thankful for emotional comfort

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Thankful for the emotional space we have given both of our girls to talk about and share anything that comes to mind … recently our youngest told my husband how much she loves him, loves her family, her birth mother and all and how she was so thankful that S chose us to be her Mommy & Daddy, made us both teary.

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Each of our girl’s adoption is a part of our conversation whether spoken or thought.  It is something we have been telling our girls since the day they each were born.  My husband wrote a song/lullaby for each girl that tells their story.  Extending our family with each of their family keeps the story of how our family came to be a present part of our everyday lives.

It can be something as simple when our girls were younger as they’re holding a baby doll and telling us they had adopted him or her.  Telling us when they get older they will adopt children to their family.

As our girls have grown their understanding of our family’s story has grown.  Since it is part of our normal family dialogue it is not unusual for a conversation to start from nowhere, usually while driving somewhere in the car.

There have been times when spending a day or trip with their family that the emotions boil up near the end of the visit/trip.  We have allowed this emotion to start a conversation to give them words to the feelings they are having.  Are you sad because C is leaving?  Are you upset because our time together is over for today?  It’s okay to feel sad or be upset, when we love someone and our time together ends it’s okay to feel sad or even mad.

We know for all of us it is important to let the conversation be had whether it’s one that is sad or happy.

This is my Day 8 for National Blog Posting Month, please click NaBloPoMo to read the many other bloggers participating in this BlogHer event, Enjoy!

Fridays shouldn’t be this hard!

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I am always hopeful that my day will start with ease and continue as such. I especially hope that on Fridays after all it’s the last day of the work and school week for my family where the weekend begins!

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But this day is not always easy.  Today (I rant) it’s not been easy at all!  My girls, however, were up and ready with ease which for a Friday morning is a bonus.  On the other side of things it’s not going with ease, No it’s that #YAHOOmail is down for a second day and this is my main email host, we are four months out from the biggest fundraising event for our elementary school and I am the chair.  Tell me why I agreed to chair? I know we have time I know it will get done, but today it feels like maybe not.

Insomnia had me awake in my bed from 2-4 AM, yes I tried I really tried to go back to sleep but I couldn’t.  My brain wouldn’t turn off for all the things I knew I would try to do on this Friday, yes today.

I feel a sense of urgency with everything I need to do today but obstacles are not allowing me to accomplish these tasks.  Relax and breathe that is my mantra this morning.  Yes morning it is still only 9:50 A.M. as I write this rant!

Hoping my day finds a better path as it moves forward, I know that I have an evening with girl friends to look forward to so all will not be lost by that time of the day!

Relax and breathe that is my mantra … Friday shouldn’t be this hard!

This is my 7th post for BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo, here is a link where you can find other bloggers during this National Blog Posting Month, Enjoy!