keep on living while you wait …

This was a very important message communicated to us by our new friends and those we saw as our mentors on our journey to parenthood … keep on living while you wait!  A truer statement could not be told to us.

You see you jump every time the phone rings, every time you open up your emails and every time you check at the site meter of your website, is this the one, is someone calling us, did someone contact us via email? we hold our breath and wait to see …

So keep on living we did.  We jumped into our newly found community of families through domestic open adoption and made friends along the way.  We re-entered our life of other friends and our families with a new desire to be a part of everything again.  We dined out, saw movies, went up to wine country, played in the snow in the mountains, went camping, and enjoyed our lives while we waited you see we always knew we were still waiting during this time we just didn’t want to stop and wait while we waited.

But you cannot put your life on hold (well not any longer, I think we had everything on hold while trying to get pregnant).  You need to keep on living, working and enjoying life.  We were also told to make the most of our couple time while we waited.  And that was because when you become a parent it’s not about you and your husband any more. there’s another individual that takes your time and attention and when that time comes you want to be ready to jump in together!

 

building community …

Along the way as we tried to become parents first on our own and with the assistance of doctors, we found ourselves alone and isolated.  From who you ask?

From friends and family who were well-meaning but did not understand what we were going through … questions once we were married of when will you have a child? after being married for a bit the questions kept coming when will you have a child?  Meanwhile we watched as friends and family were starting their families … so we became invisible, we wanted to hide at family functions or showers hosted for friends having children.  In the end I stopped attending baby showers and even today I cannot bring myself to be part of the shower but I do celebrate my friends and their families just not at a baby birthing centered event it still makes me feel isolated even as a Mom today.

When we made the decision to adopt to be a family we shouted it out to the world!  We came out from hiding and along with that we met others who were either parents already through adoption or who like us were just starting their journey to parenthood.

It was one of the most important things we did for ourselves on this journey to parenthood.  Seeking out others like us who were adopting or had adopted.  We found a common ground with them as some too had had struggles with infertility and like us were coming out as they moved onto this path.

What did building community do for us?  It gave us a group of people who were travelling this same journey and we could share support in the rough and the good times.  What did this do? it created friendships that are still part of our lives today.  And those friendships have created friendships for our children today too!