Along the way as we tried to become parents first on our own and with the assistance of doctors, we found ourselves alone and isolated. From who you ask?
From friends and family who were well-meaning but did not understand what we were going through … questions once we were married of when will you have a child? after being married for a bit the questions kept coming when will you have a child? Meanwhile we watched as friends and family were starting their families … so we became invisible, we wanted to hide at family functions or showers hosted for friends having children. In the end I stopped attending baby showers and even today I cannot bring myself to be part of the shower but I do celebrate my friends and their families just not at a baby birthing centered event it still makes me feel isolated even as a Mom today.
When we made the decision to adopt to be a family we shouted it out to the world! We came out from hiding and along with that we met others who were either parents already through adoption or who like us were just starting their journey to parenthood.
It was one of the most important things we did for ourselves on this journey to parenthood. Seeking out others like us who were adopting or had adopted. We found a common ground with them as some too had had struggles with infertility and like us were coming out as they moved onto this path.
What did building community do for us? It gave us a group of people who were travelling this same journey and we could share support in the rough and the good times. What did this do? it created friendships that are still part of our lives today. And those friendships have created friendships for our children today too!