NaBloPoMo

always truthful

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We learned early on during our journey to parenthood through adoption that the truth always comes out.  As parents through adoption, we have learned that we can tell the truth to our girls about their stories, but it needs to be age appropriate allowing them the ability to digest what they are being told.

Our younger daughter has lots of questions and feelings lately about her and our family.  Her questions relate to why she is part of our family but her younger brother lives with her birth mother and her husband.  Why did S make the choice of us to be her parents?.  At 7 years old she is working to figure out her place in ALL of her family.  Luckily not only does she have us to speak openly about how she is feeling and ask us questions, she has her birth mom to go to and ask the whys?.

Earlier this year she asked S directly about her placement with us.  S was honest and shared the truth about how hard it was to make that decision.  She also shared the hard truth of where she was in her life with struggles. That she had to learn to take care of herself and didn’t feel she could also take care of her daughter.

Today our daughter helped her brother celebrate his 6th birthday.  It had been sometime since we had spent time with him, her birth mom S and her husband.  A lot has transpired in the last 9 months.  S has been struggling and we had to step out of the picture.  It is a hard decision for us to step out as we love and want to support S.  At the same time, our girls are young and we don’t want them to create an impression of S when she is struggling that will leave a lasting impression that could harm their later relationships.

The party was fun and the kids had a blast.  It was near the end I saw S sitting with our daughter and could see they were talking. I know J had her questions of S as she is seeking answers that we can’t fully answer.  I could hear part of their conversation and knew that S was being her honest self as she tried to answer our daughters questions.  I could see she was upset and I moved in closer to see if I could be of help.  They didn’t need me to enter the conversation I just wanted them to know I was nearby for support.

It was in the car ride home that J shared their discussion and asked some more questions but this time for me to answer.  We talked about the early decisions S made when she was still pregnant with her.  We talked about our love for S and our support for her.  We talked about what has been happening and the outcome also being that S and her husband are separating.  We spoke about how that doesn’t affect our relationship with S, her brother and her husband that we are family and although it may look different it doesn’t change our relationship with each of them.

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We continue to be here for our young daughter to answer her questions and always be truthful.  We know that honesty in her story is what she needs to understand.  The truth isn’t always easy and we have learned in giving each of our girls a safe place to talk and ask questions, that they continue to seek us out at these times.

Open adoption is hard at times like being a family can be hard at times.  But the hard times do not outweigh the easy good times and we know we will make our way through this always truthful.

Day 15, #NaBloPoMo #BlogHer

waking up to a new day

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Terrorists use violence in an attempt to achieve political goals. Their intent is to bring about political change by creating a climate of fear within the society they oppose. The targeting of innocent victims and symbolic locations for a high-profile attack has long been the preferred method of terrorist organizations. As defined by Kids Encyclopedia – Kids Britannica

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This morning our girls asked why my husband and I were looking at a photo album.  The album filled with photos from our honeymoon in the Fall of 1999 and pictures of our stay in Paris.  We shared with them the news of events in Paris yesterday, and the acts of terrorism.  Also sharing we were looking to find our pictures to share in solidarity with the people of France.

It was just this past September that we were open in sharing to our now 9 and 7-year-old daughters the history of September 11, 2001.  Up until now it has been a day that we have given thanks to first responders, the people who enter into a situation whether they are fire fighters or police as its their job. We shared more about the history of that day in terms of why we were so thankful for the first responders on that day and what they did that makes us so thankful to the jobs they do each and every day.  It was the first time our girls heard us discuss terrorism in 20th century terms. Both girls know both my husband and I grew up on the East Coast near to New York City.  Like the explanation I shared above from the kids encyclopedia, we shared the history of the day in terms not to scare them, but to have them understand what has happened and if at school they were to hear anything in remembrance of the day it would have been from us they heard it first.

Today we shared again what we know in terminology they would understand from the news, where these attacks took place and that there were lives lost. Again we referred to the kids encyclopedia definition to give them a way to define what happened yesterday in Paris.

We do not share this with our girls to create fear or anxiety.  At their current ages we believe they should have an idea of current events even those that are sad and upsetting. We want them to hear it from us and allow a discussion before they may hear it from others.

Our discussion was thoughtful and through their questions brought about the discussion of 9/11 again.  I believe we are giving them the foundation to understand what can happen in our world today.

Locally we pass on the freeway a hillside in Lafayette filled with crosses that is updated with the number of deaths from our armed forces from the Iraq/Afghan war.  This is something we discuss as we drive past now and again.

So it was this morning that we woke up to a new day in our world that was changed yesterday by the acts of terrorism in France.  It is with solemn hearts we stand with the people of France together as a family.

Day 14, #NaBloPoMo #BlogHer

Thankful to be raising readers

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I am so thankful for books and the tales and adventures we enjoy as we read .. I am enjoying hearing Ally read and watching her and Jess’s ♥ of books grow… this comes both from school and from our reading every night and day … thankful for the teachers who have touched our lives as they have expanded our girls minds with reading too!

Story books have been part of our girls’ lives since they were babies with night time book time.  As toddlers they had easy access to piles of board books to look through on their own and choose for us to read to them.  This love of books is part of our family life.  I too am an avid reader and am so excited that my girls are sharing this love of books too!

 

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 Day 13, #NaBloPoMo #BlogHer

What do I want to be when I grow up?

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I am counting down to my 52nd birthday (13 days to be exact) and am sitting here tonight thinking what do I want to be when I grow up?

I’m looking at going back to work on an almost full-time basis next school year.  I know for sure that my career in the retail/wholesale business is not going to be resurrected 10 years later.  I don’t want a job that adds any stresses to our family life.  I had at one point considered going back to school and becoming a social worker.  I really want to help educate those individuals considering adoption as a family building option.  I have as a lay person hosted education peer groups, but I want to do more and can only work for an agency in a capacity as a LCSW or MSW. But as I’ve thought about it more and more I don’t have the focus to return to school and be available to my kids. So what’s next?

It’s been 10 years since I’ve worked for a company in any capacity.  My current bosses are 9 and 7 years old.  Will I be able to work under anyone else?  I’ve enjoyed the current position I’ve taken on as noon supervisor at our school but it’s only 2 hours a day.  I’m happy to have a little extra cash now.

Is this considered a mid-life crisis when at almost 52 you don’t know what you want to be?  Am I needing to reinvent myself for full-time work? What should I do, what should I be?  I don’t know, I do know that working at least 35 hours a week will be a BIG change for my family and me.

I am considering taking the typing test at our school district and look for a school office job as an assistant or clerical.  I want to be on the same schedule as our girls with holidays off and summer off.  But is this really what I want to be when I grow up?

Have you returned to work after years home as a stay-at-home mom?  Did you go back to your career?  What did you do?

Day 10, #NaBloPoMo #BlogHer