Month: November 2015

What are your boundaries?

Leave a comment

th (1)

Wikipedia Definition Setting Boundaries:

Setting boundaries is a life skill that has been popularized by self help authors and support groups since the mid 1980’s. It is the practice of openly communicating and asserting personal values as way to preserve and protect against having them compromised or violated. The term “boundary” is a metaphor – with in-bounds meaning acceptable and out-of-bounds meaning unacceptable. Without values and boundaries our identities become diffused and often controlled by the definitions offered by others.

There are many boundaries in our lives.  Some we set for ourselves and others that are set up for us either through professional expectations, educational lines or social codes.

As parents we set boundaries for our children that are part of their learning curve on behavior.  We have no hitting boundaries, no lying boundaries, no eating candy and cookies all day boundaries and many more.  Our children push and pull on the boundaries that we have set wanting to have none but needing them all and the boundaries change as they grow older. The boundaries are set with consequences for crossing over them as a way to teach our children.  It is the consequences we set that we are hoping our children to develop the knowledge of right and wrong.  A lot of these were learned as we were children and we may have tweaked them a bit to fit our family and how we are raising our children.

As a family built by adoption, we have set up some boundaries about discussions related to our family.  Now that our children are older we have taught them to choose when, to who and how they tell their family story.  Our family story is not a secret but as a family we believe it is a private matter and not to be shared without their consent.  I see that one of our daughters is more apt to share her family story and our other not so quick to share.  We are proud to see that they each have created their own boundaries for themselves.

What boundaries do you have set for yourself and/or your family?

This is day 2 of #NaBloPoMo #BlogHer

BlogHer NaBloPoMo 2015 Day 1- Gratitude abounds

Leave a comment

NaBloPoMo_1115_465x287_THEME

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”
– A.A. Milne in Winnie-the-Pooh

Yes I am starting day 1 of NaBloPoMo for BlogHer with a post of gratitude. I am taking on the challenge again of posting once-a-day for 30 days.

Like Piglet, I know my heart holds a lot of gratitude especially at this time of year as I begin to look back on what 2015 has held for me and my family. We are all healthy and happy (minus the head cold that’s keeping me grounded today).  I think every year that we grow closer to each other.

Although our girls are older and outwardly show their independence, inwardly they want cuddles, hugs and the closeness we have in our family.  They push us away as they pull us close in as they get older.  They may screech, scream and snark that they are older and can do it ALL alone but deep down they look to us for guidance and boundaries on how they should do it.  The daily push-pull is tiring but at the end of the day I know we are in it together.

Being 9 and 7 years old is hard, you want to be more independent but at the same time you need that bit of guidance of how and why we do the things we do.  I tell my girls everyday I Love You ❤ and they know I mean it.  It’s more than words that I share, it’s a touch, a kiss, a time to hold hands or a hug that I also share daily with them and in return they share back with me.

It is everyday of the year that I think about how our family came to be and it is not lost on me (or my husband) that our family came at the loss for someone else.  Our relationships with each of our girls’ birth families are very important to us, and it is through the years that I am even more grateful for their place in our family and our lives.  Time has created friendships and family relationships that have taken us through tough times and good times like any relationship, but it is our times together in the making of memories that I am most grateful for.  Time together that our girls are part of that they see our family as a family and nothing less.

And so it is this first post of November that I sit back with gratitude and reminisce about our family and our lives together.

What will November be for you?  Do you look back and feel the gratitude of what you have?

Day 1, #NaBloPoMo #BlogHer