There are occasions when someone learns our family journey to parenthood, that this question happens in a whisper to us if our girls are present. I understand there was a time that talking about adoption didn’t happen often and even still there were children who did not know they had been adopted.
I’m never offended, I usually smile with a bit of a laugh and say they sure do! You see we have ongoing in-person family relationships with each of our girls birth mothers and their extended family and their birth fathers and their family. It would be a very hard secret to keep anyway! When we changed our path from trying to have a baby to hoping to adopt for our family building we basically sat on our rooftop and shouted it out to the world. SO a lot of people in our immediate world know how our family came to be.
Our girls have heard their story pretty much from the time they were born. Each girl was entrusted to us right after their birth from the hospital. My husband created a song/lullaby that tells them their story about our family entwined with their birth families. Each girl can now proudly and loudly sing their song 🙂 There are many story books that we incorporate into our night time reading that talk about adoption “Tell Me About The Night I was Born” by Jamie Lee Curtis, “How I was Adopted” by Joanna Coles, “We Belong Together” by Todd Parr, “Happy Adoption Day” by John McCutcheon, and “Forever Fingerprints” by Sherrie Eldridge.
Our girls are 7 and 5 years old now and can understand their story, that they each grew in another’s tummy. That their birth mother and birth father made them and that’s who they get certain features and some of their personalities from. That we were chosen by their birth parents to be their Mommy & Daddy. That they are loved by all of us.
So it’s okay to ask in front of our girls if they are adopted, they know and they may even answer you who they were born to and who they call Mommy & Daddy all by themselves.
2 thoughts on “(whispered) Do they know they are adopted?”
Agreed! Talk about adoption early and talk about it often!
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for this post. My partner and I are in the process of starting our family through open adoption and we’ve talked a lot about making sure our child knows his or her birth story from the very start. Of course, we also joke that being two guys we wouldn’t be able to hide the fact that they’re adopted even if we wanted to! haha. Anyway, thanks again for your post and I’m going to check out the books you mentioned.