parenthood

my week off all hormones …

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Yes mid-life motherhood takes on a variety of forms. This last week my doctor wanted to run blood tests to see where I am in the menopausal cycle. I turned 50 in November so it seemed like the right thing to do since I’ve been on hormones for the last 4 years for all the peri-menopausal symptoms that have been plaguing me.

In advance I posted a facebook message to all my family and friends who see this “I apologize in advance for any shortcomings and irritability on my part this coming week. Preparing for some blood work which required to stop hormones I’m on, probably not the best week to do this with my husband going to be out of town, but alls well, hopefully the next hormone protocol will be even better when all is said and done!”

A week ago Friday was my first day off, not a bad day as my body still had hormones coursing through my body. But that was the last good day. The next was a headachy day and then onto the migraine as the hormones seeped out of my body. After the migraine started so did the blues which were not helped by the rainy weather. Overnight waking with insomnia, night sweats and the whole shebang! All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed with the covers up, but as a mom with a 7- and 5-year-old that was not going to happen.

Add that the week we (my doctor and I) chose to come off hormones was a business travel week for my husband. Yes I would be alone parenting with no break for this week which may not have been the best timing.

The headache pretty much continued for the week (possibly stress induced as well as no hormones) and my insomnia returned. Luckily with school and extra curricular activities for both girls the week breezed by.

The results of my blood test show that I am still peri-menopausal so back to the regime that helped me keep the active symptoms away.

It was not the easiest week because of the physical symptoms but I am glad I did it when I did to learn what next treatment protocol would be needed on my journey in my 50s!

when adding a dog is like an open adoption …

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hanging with Cody in our yard

Our family recently lost a dog to canine cancer. We didn’t have plans to add back a second dog right away but somehow a week later I found a dog “Pepper”on a rescue website that seemed like the right fit for us. Her story is that her first family felt they weren’t giving her the attention and such she needed. Her “mom” worked 12-13 hour days and her children were grown and no one else was home for the dog when she worked. So on this site she was trying to find her dog a family that could give her more attention with children and another dog for her to have.

We emailed and talked on the phone explaining who we were, what our family was like and why we wanted a second dog. Also explaining that we have two daughters through open adoption and if she would like we could keep her updated on the dogs life with us. She agreed that that would help her.

For our girls, we explained that the first family wasn’t able to give this dog everything they wanted for her. We talked about how we had some of these things that they were looking for and that we would like to adopt their dog if they chose us. I also explained like we have an ongoing relationship with their families, we would keep in touch with “Pepper’s” first family through pictures and updates. They really understood that and were happy to know that we would be sharing that information.

Our girls ages 7-1/2 & 5-1/2 years old understood the concept of adopting the dog and keeping in touch with her first family since we were getting our new dog from her first family and not a shelter. It only demonstrated IMHO a story not unlike theirs that they know all too well and having ongoing relationships with their families keeping in touch with our new dog’s family felt right to them and all of us.

We were chosen to be Pepper’s family and as promised we have started sharing photos and updates as she settles into our family with our other dog, our girls and us. We have an open adoption for our dog now too!

Adoption is closer than you think …

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MK-908

As we continue to settle into our new neighborhood and school, I am finding that our family is not quite as unique as I thought we may have been.

You see there are more people/families tied to some form of adoption than I realized. Why do I say this? When I introduce the topic of how our family was formed I may hear from another parent “oh my sister was adopted” or “I had a child and placed them for adoption when I was a teenager” or still “my oldest daughter has a relationship with her birthfather even though my husband is the father that is raising her”. Not only have these people shared this but in our conversation I learn about the relationships that have developed in their adoption story which I find so awesome and something our girls can learn from these adults in our lives.

When this happens, I relax and realize we are not such a different family after all in this world we live in. I have always thought I needed to create a separate community for my family of like-families reaching out to friends we met along the way on our journey to parenthood through adoption. I felt that I needed to provide our girls with peers with families like theirs and for my husband and I a place to talk about our family without having to always explain the whole story. We still have that but at the same time in our everyday lives I am learning that adoption is closer to us in the circle of friends we now live among.

When I learn something about a person in our lives I do share with our girls, and in turn to them it’s like okay Mom thanks. I think somewhere in their minds it is registered but at the same time it’s no big deal to them. Adoption in our house is our normal. We have family through both our girls families on both their birthmother and birthfather sides. They have siblings that they know and talk about and for us this is our family and it’s never been any different and at the same time I am learning our normal is normal in other families too.

adoption in the world these days …

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I’ve begun to notice that the media mostly television and movies seem to have become interested in story lines about adoption whether they are “reality” shows or story lines in a drama or comedy.

I wonder if I’m noticing this sooo much because my family was created through adoption or if it is true that adoption is going mainstream?

First it was the movies with Juno, The Martian Kid and a few others, then it was story lines on Brothers & Sisters, Private Practice and then reality shows like True Life Stories on MTV, Teen Mom also on MTV and Find My Family.

I wonder if the trend is because adoption is no longer secretive, that those wanting family are a bit older and have the strong need to parent even when their bodies fail them? I’ve also seen discussion on some of the list serves I am on where others are noticing more story lines on TV. There are the celebrity adoptions that make headlines and then there is the everyday family who want to be parents and decide to adopt.

I do think there needs to be some outlet for people to learn about adoption and the myriad types … I especially think that openness in adoption and the lifelong relationships it represents should also be exposed through media. Yes there is always the bad things represented on shows like Dr. Phil, etc. but where are the good heartwarming stories about the lives that came together in the interest of a child and they all became a family?

We don’t wear our status of being a family formed by open domestic adoption to the outside world as our girls resemble us in some karmic way and so do their birth mothers… our family and close friends know how we became parents and for now that’s all who needs to know. Our girls are getting to the ages when they will decide who to tell and when they want to share their stories. It is not our story to tell any longer.

I hope the new interest in adoption and the media depictions will help those considering adoption feel that it is not the myth it is thought to be and that a family made by adoption is a family that started just a little bit differently!