adoption

adoption in the world these days …

Leave a comment

I’ve begun to notice that the media mostly television and movies seem to have become interested in story lines about adoption whether they are “reality” shows or story lines in a drama or comedy.

I wonder if I’m noticing this sooo much because my family was created through adoption or if it is true that adoption is going mainstream?

First it was the movies with Juno, The Martian Kid and a few others, then it was story lines on Brothers & Sisters, Private Practice and then reality shows like True Life Stories on MTV, Teen Mom also on MTV and Find My Family.

I wonder if the trend is because adoption is no longer secretive, that those wanting family are a bit older and have the strong need to parent even when their bodies fail them? I’ve also seen discussion on some of the list serves I am on where others are noticing more story lines on TV. There are the celebrity adoptions that make headlines and then there is the everyday family who want to be parents and decide to adopt.

I do think there needs to be some outlet for people to learn about adoption and the myriad types … I especially think that openness in adoption and the lifelong relationships it represents should also be exposed through media. Yes there is always the bad things represented on shows like Dr. Phil, etc. but where are the good heartwarming stories about the lives that came together in the interest of a child and they all became a family?

We don’t wear our status of being a family formed by open domestic adoption to the outside world as our girls resemble us in some karmic way and so do their birth mothers… our family and close friends know how we became parents and for now that’s all who needs to know. Our girls are getting to the ages when they will decide who to tell and when they want to share their stories. It is not our story to tell any longer.

I hope the new interest in adoption and the media depictions will help those considering adoption feel that it is not the myth it is thought to be and that a family made by adoption is a family that started just a little bit differently!

Words are just words or are they?

1 Comment

definition of word
noun \ˈwərd\

: a sound or combination of sounds that has a meaning and is spoken or written

: a brief remark or conversation : something that a person says

: an order or command

Overheard as our girls were preparing cards for J’s brother to go along with his gift he is MY BIRTH-BROTHER, not YOURS!  J’s brother was born about 15 months after her and S along with her husband are parenting him.  Our girls have known him from inside S’s tummy and when he was born.  We see him as often as we see S.

My husband and I sat and listened to our girls speak about who has sisters and who has brothers that don’t live with us but are still our family.  We wondered when voices rose should we step in to calm the fighting down?  Or should we just let them figure it out on their own?

They had it right in knowing that A has 3 sisters through her birth father and J has one brother from S and one from her birthfather.  It was interesting to hear them assert who belonged with whom to each other claiming their own brothers or sisters.

It is just words that they were using with the prefix of “birth” to claim their siblings.  What was so great about this discussion they had was how natural it was for them to talk about these siblings that live in other parts of our family like it was nothing out of the ordinary.

The words we have used to explain our family story are something they have taken in and processed themselves.  They know their siblings they know what part of the family they are part of, and to us that is what is important.  It is our girls who add the prefix “birth” when talking about their families when claiming their territory.

So while they fought over the wording and logistics it was comforting to us they understand who their family is, all of them.

The dreaded school Family project, or is it?

8 Comments

Our eldest daughter is in second grade. This seems to be the school year where the curriculum moves to tracking/tracing/sharing your Family Tree and/or Family Ancestry.

As a family built through adoption this could go one of two ways, we either dread it or look at it as a learning lesson. You may recall our family is living in very open adoptions so our family is looking at this project as a learning lesson one where we don’t hide who we are and use my husband and my ancestry but reach out and have our daughter learn more about herself by seeking this information on who she is.

How you ask will we approach this school project then? Good question. Our daughter (and her sister) obviously know that they were adopted, know who their family members are and how they are related to who and how so digging deeper into her family roots through her birth family is the best way to approach this project in our opinion!

We have reached out to our daughter’s birth mom and told her about the project and who else we would like A to interview which would include her Aunts and Grandparents through C. We are setting up a Skype call for all of them to interact and assist A with this project!

We believe this will further connect A to her birth family by learning her ancestry giving her a deeper understanding of where she came from. Our intent is to reach out to her birth father as well and have him contribute since she is part of both of them and their families are part of A.

It will be interesting for all of us to learn the ancestry of where A’s families come from!

Connection to biology …

Leave a comment

#adoption #openadoption not just about the love and connection to a birth mother or birth father it is the family connection to the whole family that is important #familylove

It has become more and more important to our family that the ties our girls have and keep are not just to their birth mother or birth father but through to their siblings, to aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents even to great grandparents.

The main focus started and continues to be with visits with their birth mother or birth father.  We have come to a time where we want to make sure that our girls know and have a deeper connection to the grandparents and  other family members and to have these ties and connections.  Get togethers are looked at now not to just include them but to have separate visits when we can.  Time spent with each other is time well spent.

Why you ask?  Sometimes in your life there may be times your connection to someone may fade in an ebb and flow way but doesn’t break and you feel the need to reach over that connection and strengthen the ties above and beyond it.  Our intent is to keep these family ties and not limit them to just one or two people.  To have our girls understand the width and breadth of the love that surrounds them and the love they can share on their own through their families.  Our hope and dream is that they never feel too separated from those they are connected to by biology.