adoption

Thankful for emotional comfort

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Thankful for the emotional space we have given both of our girls to talk about and share anything that comes to mind … recently our youngest told my husband how much she loves him, loves her family, her birth mother and all and how she was so thankful that S chose us to be her Mommy & Daddy, made us both teary.

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Each of our girl’s adoption is a part of our conversation whether spoken or thought.  It is something we have been telling our girls since the day they each were born.  My husband wrote a song/lullaby for each girl that tells their story.  Extending our family with each of their family keeps the story of how our family came to be a present part of our everyday lives.

It can be something as simple when our girls were younger as they’re holding a baby doll and telling us they had adopted him or her.  Telling us when they get older they will adopt children to their family.

As our girls have grown their understanding of our family’s story has grown.  Since it is part of our normal family dialogue it is not unusual for a conversation to start from nowhere, usually while driving somewhere in the car.

There have been times when spending a day or trip with their family that the emotions boil up near the end of the visit/trip.  We have allowed this emotion to start a conversation to give them words to the feelings they are having.  Are you sad because C is leaving?  Are you upset because our time together is over for today?  It’s okay to feel sad or be upset, when we love someone and our time together ends it’s okay to feel sad or even mad.

We know for all of us it is important to let the conversation be had whether it’s one that is sad or happy.

This is my Day 8 for National Blog Posting Month, please click NaBloPoMo to read the many other bloggers participating in this BlogHer event, Enjoy!

15 years married

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It was 15 years ago on this date, that I married my best friend in front of family and friends on a beautiful warm autumn day on Long Island.

I can look back in my mind’s eye to this beautiful happy day like it was yesterday.  We did not know what the journey ahead would be for us we just knew we wanted to spend our lives together.  We have been together for 19 years having dated for 4 years before marrying.

What began as a friendship and blossomed into romance and now has deepened into a love and relationship that I could never imagine.  To have this man by my side is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Over the years together we have had our ups and downs and we have weathered the storm coming out as a stronger team together.

I could never have imagined the journey our lives together would take and would never change a thing.  This man who is now the father to our children.  Each of our girls entrusted to us at birth. Our family expanding not only with the addition of our daughters but with each of their families. The love and friendship we share with all of our girls families only enhancing our love for each other.

Here we are 15 years later, we lived in San Francisco then to our first home purchased together in El Cerrito, then onto Hercules and now to our home in Poet’s Corner.  We have traveled together including Alaska, Mexico, back and forth to the East Coast and our honeymoon in France and Italy.  Later visiting friends and wandering through Australia.  I first started camping with this man and now our family enjoys yearly summer camping together.  We drove to our first daughter’s birth in Minnesota seeing it as an adventure leaving behind our coupledom .

Raising two girls together who are now 8 and 6 years old.  The fun and hectic parts of our daily lives that doesn’t always leave time for us.  I cherish our family time together but most importantly I cherish the time we get together just the two of us whether it’s after our girls have gone to bed or we’ve actually gone out on a date! The ups and downs of everyday life have only strengthened our friendship and love for each other.

Here’s to another 15 years and more, my love I wouldn’t want to share this crazy life with anyone else, Happy Anniversary!

The baby wait/weight …

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Weight-Scale

Yes it’s been years since we were in the waiting stage to become parents on our journey to parenthood, and yes our girls are now 8 and 6 years old. But I am still struggling with the Baby Wait/Weight. The weight I gained while on hormones and then being home while waiting and having food at the ready.

Excuse 1,000,000,000 now that our lives are in the fast lane with school for each girl, after school activities and more our dinners at times are whatever the quickest to throw together can be.  Not the best way to eat nutritious I agree.

All of this comes on the heels of a comment our older daughter made to me over the summer. She told me I was not able to sit on a porch swing because I was too big.  It hurt my heart like no other thing someone could say to me.  At her age she wasn’t calling me out as fat, she was saying it as she saw it, I am a big girl and that’s what she knows.  After my tears and conversations with my husband I realized there was no malice in her words just the plain facts.  This told me I was not happy with who I was in the skin I’m in.  I will not wallow in self pity I will do something about it and now is that time.

I will be 51 years old later this year and if I plan to be around for the many years I intend to see our girls grow and flourish I need to take a stand now on my wait/weight!

By writing about this and sharing publicly I feel I will need to follow through.  This is not a quick fix.  This needs to be a lifestyle change for me.  With the start of the school year my girls and I have been walking to school each and every morning.  Now I need to layer on more exercise and so it’s time for me to take out the leash for our 1 year old Weimaraner and hit the trails.

Both of our girls are naturally thin in this stage of their lives.  I don’t want them to feel the focus I have on my body image. I recently viewed the Dove #feelbeautiful  video about the legacy we pass onto our children regarding body image Dove Legacy . We’ve always prided ourselves that our children would know when they were properly full and stop eating.  From toddlers to now they do not overeat and we keep healthier snacks available to them and the other types of food are not forbidden but not our first choice.

It’s safe to say I have fallen off the good eating wagon and need to get all of us back on to provide a healthier environment in our own home.  I need to practice what I preach to our girls about fruit first when looking for a snack.

I have signed up for a 5K in June of 2015 to give me incentive to bring back the old me that walked 4 miles 3x a week.  The old me that didn’t eat carbs all the time and was healthier.  The baby wait/weight is just an excuse now I realize that.

So now I’ve put it out there in the universe, I will do something about the baby weight/wait!

 

Stay at home Mom …

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By definition;

A housewife is a woman whose main occupation is running or managing the family’s home—caring for and educating her children, cooking and storing food, buying goods the family needs in day to day life, cleaning and maintaining the home,  etc. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stay_at_home_mom

This definition a bit outdated, but still the basis of what people think a stay at home mom is. On the other hand there is the comic picture I included which is how I think a lot of people envision the day of a stay at home mom…so not true!

There was a time that I was a career girl and I liked my jobs in the Fashion/Retail industry.  I worked for over 20 years in different capacities in the field.  Finally during our family building trials and tribulations I quit my job to focus on starting a family. That was over 10 years ago. People know me now as my girl’s mom.  They don’t necessarily know I lived and worked in New York City and that I lived and worked in San Francisco for many years.  I traveled a lot for work to a lot of cities and states even some I might not necessarily have visited had it not been for business.  I even had travel overseas for one of my jobs.

My current job description is Boo boo kisser, referee, menu planner, cook, chauffeur, homework helper, nurse, friend, wife, mommy, dog walker, recreational planner, vacation planner, food shopper, laundress, house cleaner, flower gardener, late night soother, CEO & President of our family Enterprise!

This is the first year both of my girls are in a full day of school.  This is the first year I have almost 6 hours in a weekday to fill.  With that I am at our girls’ school many days and there I’m known to help out in their classrooms, for field trips, special projects and PTA. I am also chairing the largest fund-raiser for our school ~ the Spring Gala.   Then there are their extra curricular activities.  I am a girl scout leader for each of my girls’ troops.  I am their taxi to and from ballet lessons and to and from play dates..  I put in much time and effort in doing all of these things for my girls, for their school and for their friends.

I consider myself lucky that I have been able to stay at home all these years.  It’s not been easy. We are on a strict budget (that I always go over, thank you amazon.com).  Both my husband and I grew up with each of our mom’s being at home and it was important to us that we try to give our girls this too.  There are days that I wonder was I cut out for this or should I be working again now that our youngest is in first grade.  There are times I hear my girls excitement that their Daddy is off of work and that is extra special time to spend together.  I feel pains when I hear them so excited for their Daddy and when I ask aren’t they excited for me too? they tell me we see you all the time! I wonder do my girls take for granted that I am always there for them?

Then there are the times I do feel the difference of not working at an office or for a company. This is usually when I am together with friends who do work and have that part of their lives. Yet I am lucky that there are a group of moms who too are stay at home and we can complain together and share the stressors of our days.  Other times someone slips and says something about being a working mom and passively putting down a stay at home mom.  Maybe it’s jealousy or maybe they don’t know how busy my day really is and think of the woman in the comic above?

In the end this was a choice we made and one I am happy to do on most days.  Don’t get me wrong it’s not always easy but I think in the end it’s worth it.  I say to those who can’t see the value in all that we stay at home moms contribute to our community, we do and that’s what matters!