midlife mothering

Fridays shouldn’t be this hard!

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I am always hopeful that my day will start with ease and continue as such. I especially hope that on Fridays after all it’s the last day of the work and school week for my family where the weekend begins!

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But this day is not always easy.  Today (I rant) it’s not been easy at all!  My girls, however, were up and ready with ease which for a Friday morning is a bonus.  On the other side of things it’s not going with ease, No it’s that #YAHOOmail is down for a second day and this is my main email host, we are four months out from the biggest fundraising event for our elementary school and I am the chair.  Tell me why I agreed to chair? I know we have time I know it will get done, but today it feels like maybe not.

Insomnia had me awake in my bed from 2-4 AM, yes I tried I really tried to go back to sleep but I couldn’t.  My brain wouldn’t turn off for all the things I knew I would try to do on this Friday, yes today.

I feel a sense of urgency with everything I need to do today but obstacles are not allowing me to accomplish these tasks.  Relax and breathe that is my mantra this morning.  Yes morning it is still only 9:50 A.M. as I write this rant!

Hoping my day finds a better path as it moves forward, I know that I have an evening with girl friends to look forward to so all will not be lost by that time of the day!

Relax and breathe that is my mantra … Friday shouldn’t be this hard!

This is my 7th post for BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo, here is a link where you can find other bloggers during this National Blog Posting Month, Enjoy!

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it’s only a number, right?

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I’ve never really felt my age, I mean how is 50 supposed to feel?  or 49, 48, 47, 46, 45, etc.? and in a couple of months I will already be turning 51!

I have family genes in my favor and there will never be a day that you will see the gray in my hair thanks to some cosmetic products!  I can even say that occasionally still I am carded when buying wine or other alcoholic beverages.  Feels good I have to say!

But then there was yesterday. I was reminded that I am old or at least outside the age requirements.  My girls and I headed to the flu shot clinic for our annual preventative care. What I learned is that eligibility for the flu mist is ages 2-49, I’m now in the too old category! so a flu shot it was and now my arm aches.  I never realized I’d be outside that check off box.

It has bothered me ever since and now I think about how old I am which is something I’ve never really given much thought to. I need to reprogram my thoughts to remember it’s only a number, right?

The baby wait/weight …

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Weight-Scale

Yes it’s been years since we were in the waiting stage to become parents on our journey to parenthood, and yes our girls are now 8 and 6 years old. But I am still struggling with the Baby Wait/Weight. The weight I gained while on hormones and then being home while waiting and having food at the ready.

Excuse 1,000,000,000 now that our lives are in the fast lane with school for each girl, after school activities and more our dinners at times are whatever the quickest to throw together can be.  Not the best way to eat nutritious I agree.

All of this comes on the heels of a comment our older daughter made to me over the summer. She told me I was not able to sit on a porch swing because I was too big.  It hurt my heart like no other thing someone could say to me.  At her age she wasn’t calling me out as fat, she was saying it as she saw it, I am a big girl and that’s what she knows.  After my tears and conversations with my husband I realized there was no malice in her words just the plain facts.  This told me I was not happy with who I was in the skin I’m in.  I will not wallow in self pity I will do something about it and now is that time.

I will be 51 years old later this year and if I plan to be around for the many years I intend to see our girls grow and flourish I need to take a stand now on my wait/weight!

By writing about this and sharing publicly I feel I will need to follow through.  This is not a quick fix.  This needs to be a lifestyle change for me.  With the start of the school year my girls and I have been walking to school each and every morning.  Now I need to layer on more exercise and so it’s time for me to take out the leash for our 1 year old Weimaraner and hit the trails.

Both of our girls are naturally thin in this stage of their lives.  I don’t want them to feel the focus I have on my body image. I recently viewed the Dove #feelbeautiful  video about the legacy we pass onto our children regarding body image Dove Legacy . We’ve always prided ourselves that our children would know when they were properly full and stop eating.  From toddlers to now they do not overeat and we keep healthier snacks available to them and the other types of food are not forbidden but not our first choice.

It’s safe to say I have fallen off the good eating wagon and need to get all of us back on to provide a healthier environment in our own home.  I need to practice what I preach to our girls about fruit first when looking for a snack.

I have signed up for a 5K in June of 2015 to give me incentive to bring back the old me that walked 4 miles 3x a week.  The old me that didn’t eat carbs all the time and was healthier.  The baby wait/weight is just an excuse now I realize that.

So now I’ve put it out there in the universe, I will do something about the baby weight/wait!

 

Unwilling member of the sandwich generation

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From Wikipedia:

The Sandwich generation is a generation of people who care for their aging parents while supporting their own children.

According to the Pew Research Center, just over 1 of every 8 Americans aged 40 to 60 is both raising a child and caring for a parent, in addition to between 7 to 10 million adults caring for their aging parents from a long distance. US Census Bureau statistics indicate that the number of older Americans aged 65 or older will double by the year 2030, to over 70 million.

Carol Abaya categorized the different scenarios involved in being a part of the sandwich generation.

  • Traditional: those sandwiched between aging parents who need care and/or help and their own children.
  • Club Sandwich: those in their 50s or 60s sandwiched  between aging parents, adult children and grandchildren, or those in their 30s and 40s, with young children, aging parents and grandparents.
  • Open Faced: anyone else involved in elder care.

My sister and I are unwilling members of “The Sandwich Generation”.  This is not our first time at bat here.  The first was when my father sick from a debilitating disease and he and my mother not accepting any request to assist and/or advice on how to better manage all his care.  With lots of home care that stressed and stretched their relationship and ours with them till it broke and he passed away in 2012.

Now it is my mother’s turn.  She recently turned 75 and as a widow for the last year and a half has become more stubborn and shall we say forgetful. Layer on top of that she just had surgery to correct Stenosis of her spine. One she seems to be having a lot of difficulty recovering from physically.  In addition during her time at rehab they noticed some changes in her cognitive abilities.  Something we were noticing being long distance through phone calls.

I am 50 and my sister 46.  My husband and I are raising our girls ages 8 and 6 years old and we live clear across the county.  My mother is not an easy woman and not one I get along with very well so you can see how stressful it will be for ALL of us to have to be part of her ongoing care whether living independently or in need of more.

This is reminiscent of my father’s last years, needing care and more than in-home but their denial that he needed that and the stress that home care brought with it.  Take that with her lack of recovery from her surgery and her forgetfulness and stubbornness and we are back to this place of her not wanting to do what she needs to do and our having to figure out how to help. And both of us, my sister and I, do not live close by which creates an even greater challenge as part of this sandwich generation!