Author: Mommysquared

Mommysquared I'm a mid-life mom living through menopausal symptoms, raising two pre-adolescent girls and trying to get by. Please send coffee in the morning and wine or whiskey in the evening!

What are your boundaries?

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Wikipedia Definition Setting Boundaries:

Setting boundaries is a life skill that has been popularized by self help authors and support groups since the mid 1980’s. It is the practice of openly communicating and asserting personal values as way to preserve and protect against having them compromised or violated. The term “boundary” is a metaphor – with in-bounds meaning acceptable and out-of-bounds meaning unacceptable. Without values and boundaries our identities become diffused and often controlled by the definitions offered by others.

There are many boundaries in our lives.  Some we set for ourselves and others that are set up for us either through professional expectations, educational lines or social codes.

As parents we set boundaries for our children that are part of their learning curve on behavior.  We have no hitting boundaries, no lying boundaries, no eating candy and cookies all day boundaries and many more.  Our children push and pull on the boundaries that we have set wanting to have none but needing them all and the boundaries change as they grow older. The boundaries are set with consequences for crossing over them as a way to teach our children.  It is the consequences we set that we are hoping our children to develop the knowledge of right and wrong.  A lot of these were learned as we were children and we may have tweaked them a bit to fit our family and how we are raising our children.

As a family built by adoption, we have set up some boundaries about discussions related to our family.  Now that our children are older we have taught them to choose when, to who and how they tell their family story.  Our family story is not a secret but as a family we believe it is a private matter and not to be shared without their consent.  I see that one of our daughters is more apt to share her family story and our other not so quick to share.  We are proud to see that they each have created their own boundaries for themselves.

What boundaries do you have set for yourself and/or your family?

This is day 2 of #NaBloPoMo #BlogHer

BlogHer NaBloPoMo 2015 Day 1- Gratitude abounds

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“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”
– A.A. Milne in Winnie-the-Pooh

Yes I am starting day 1 of NaBloPoMo for BlogHer with a post of gratitude. I am taking on the challenge again of posting once-a-day for 30 days.

Like Piglet, I know my heart holds a lot of gratitude especially at this time of year as I begin to look back on what 2015 has held for me and my family. We are all healthy and happy (minus the head cold that’s keeping me grounded today).  I think every year that we grow closer to each other.

Although our girls are older and outwardly show their independence, inwardly they want cuddles, hugs and the closeness we have in our family.  They push us away as they pull us close in as they get older.  They may screech, scream and snark that they are older and can do it ALL alone but deep down they look to us for guidance and boundaries on how they should do it.  The daily push-pull is tiring but at the end of the day I know we are in it together.

Being 9 and 7 years old is hard, you want to be more independent but at the same time you need that bit of guidance of how and why we do the things we do.  I tell my girls everyday I Love You ❤ and they know I mean it.  It’s more than words that I share, it’s a touch, a kiss, a time to hold hands or a hug that I also share daily with them and in return they share back with me.

It is everyday of the year that I think about how our family came to be and it is not lost on me (or my husband) that our family came at the loss for someone else.  Our relationships with each of our girls’ birth families are very important to us, and it is through the years that I am even more grateful for their place in our family and our lives.  Time has created friendships and family relationships that have taken us through tough times and good times like any relationship, but it is our times together in the making of memories that I am most grateful for.  Time together that our girls are part of that they see our family as a family and nothing less.

And so it is this first post of November that I sit back with gratitude and reminisce about our family and our lives together.

What will November be for you?  Do you look back and feel the gratitude of what you have?

Day 1, #NaBloPoMo #BlogHer

and the beat goes on …

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fall mantle

We are already three days into the Fall season, the daily beat of our lives rolls one day into the next. Leaves are beginning to turn and our annual Indian summer weather is at its peak.

Our girls have been back into their school routine for a month now.  It is hard to believe our summer break has already been over that long. Our oldest daughter is now a 4th grader and our youngest a 2nd grader.

There have been some fits and starts to this school year. Homework from the first day of school proved to create anger and frustration for our youngest.  The class was working on the story Chrysanthemum the young mouse learning about her name.  What could the anger be towards such a sweet story?  Well our youngest wasn’t sure she wanted to share her story about how she got her name.  You see her birth mom, my husband and I all worked together in naming her and she didn’t want to share her whole story.  We talked about what she was angry and frustrated about this homework assignment. She shared she didn’t want to tell her whole story she didn’t want everyone to know our family story.  We assured her that was ok.  We reminded her how we all came up with her name sharing the name definitions that helped us to choose the names she has. This seemed to make her brighten knowing the whole story but also there was a part she could share that was appropriate for her class mates.

As our younger daughter seemed to struggle with who and what to share about our family story this year, our older daughter was struggling with a bully in her classroom and for a second year being in a classroom without any of her friends.  The bullying began during summer on swim team and just our luck this girl was part of this years’ class.  As the school year started up, a new student at school started to harass our daughter and now she had to deal with two who were in her class day in and day out.  We tried to give her the tools to find her strength to walk away, say stop or whatever was needed as an incident occurred.  At the same time, I was in contact with the school principal and her teacher.  The principal didn’t seem to understand the enormity of this trifecta, being alone and isolated, and 2 bullies in her classroom.  Her teacher shared that she wouldn’t allow bullying but you know what? it isn’t always going to be in her classroom for her to stop.  What is the emotional toll day in and day out for my daughter to be in this class?  We are here to support our daughter, I am at the school helping in the classroom, and we have given her an emotional safe place to talk about what’s going on.  I see her sadness and it breaks my heart. I am still working on correcting this with the district and school principal.  I’ve been through this too and survived it alone and I can share this with her and hope together we can find her strength to make her way through.

I never knew the full extent of how our parenting would have an effect on our girls.  What I am sure about, is my being a stay-at-home mom is helping to know what’s going on at school for our girls and be aware of their daily lives.

With the start-up of school was the return of Fall soccer, Girl Scouts and our continued dance in ballet.  Our schedules after school are full and tight.  Friday is the only day without a practice or dance class.  We have managed to find our new balance for our activities so far but the tipping point could be the start-up of Sunday rehearsals for the Christmas ballet that both of our girls will be performing in this year.

While our girls have returned to school, I have signed on to work at our school as a substitute (as needed) lunch & yard duty person.  Right after I submitted my paperwork to the district our school needed me so M-F from 11:30-1:30 PM you will find me at school fulfilling my role.  My end date right now is in mid-October.  The extra bit of cash will be nice and I like that the job is not always 5 days every week.

Now the days are shorter with dark coming before 8 pm, our schedules are full with homework, soccer, dance, girl scouts and we are full swing into Fall.  It is at our nightly dinners we talk about our day.

How is your Fall starting?

entering a new phase

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Had blood work yesterday, arm bruised today, results in, it’s official I am post-menopause now if the headaches, sweats and everything else that my body is doing would go away, I’d do a jig. Thought I’d never have menopause as I thought my daughters would catch up and then forever, you know forever!

Waiting on my appointment with my doctor next week to find out the protocol to help with these symptoms which have not yet disappeared which include daily headaches, cramping, breast tenderness, irritability and crying.  Oh midlife how I love thee!

Anyone out there with me?

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