Author: Mommysquared

Mommysquared I'm a mid-life mom living through menopausal symptoms, raising two pre-adolescent girls and trying to get by. Please send coffee in the morning and wine or whiskey in the evening!

Yes this is why

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I had mentioned in a previous post that our youngest was struggling in figuring out her place in our family, well in all our family.  Her questions that she is asking tells us she’s trying to figure her whole story out.  We have taken her to meet a therapist versed in adoption and who works with young children. I got to sit in on this first appointment and could see my little making a connection with this therapist who I myself liked from our phone consult.  So we will proceed with another appointment to help our daughter out.

In the meantime, yesterday we got together with her birth mom, S, and her son to help celebrate her birthday.  During lunch our daughter started a conversation with S asking her in depth questions of why she is a parent to her son but not to her and why did she make the choices she did when she was born.

My husband and I are proud of her taking these steps to ask all of us involved to help her figure out what she is struggling with.  We had not known that she would be so direct with S so we had not prepped her what was coming.  She did look for reassurance to answer and we only shared make it age appropriate.  S did a great job being open and honest with our daughter (and by our I mean hers and ours).

I think our little still has to process these answers as she is only 6.  My hope is the upcoming appointments with the therapist she recently met with and having all of the adults in her life being open to these conversations that she will find the answers she seeks.

And this my friends, is why we pursued open adoptions with each of our daughters birth families.  Not only to have family relationships with them, but to have them available for the children we share to ask and answer the hard questions when they come.

Juggling as fast as I can

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A day in a life, my life as a stay at home mom is not sitting home watching TV or reading a book or even sitting and eating.  A day in my life can have me everywhere doing everything all at once.

Currently, I am the Girl Scout leader for each of my daughter’s troops, yep that’s 2 troops.  I have taken on the role for our Elementary school as the Girl Scout coordinator because no one else had.  I am a board member now of our Girl Scout Service Unit.  I am a board member for our school’s foundation.  I am the chair for our school’s largest fundraiser, the Auction Gala that is fast approaching in early March.

Girl Scouts is currently at the start of everyone’s favorite time of the year, cookie sales!  Luckily I have mom’s willing to take on pieces of the cookie manager role in each of the troops so the burden isn’t fully mine alone!

There are 24 of us volunteers helping to make our school’s Auction Gala be the best it can be.  I am in the trenches alongside each of them helping to get donations, looking at ways to tweak this event in its 11th year, organizing, delegating, sharing ideas, coordinating meetings and keeping all of us in good spirits as we work our buts off!

And in the midst of this, our youngest has shared with me that she is struggling some about what family she belongs in.  This is something we expected at some point to come up in her thinking and for us to talk about.  I just never thought she’d only be 6!

Both our girls have only known the way our family is, formed by adoption with ongoing family relationships with their birth families.  Most especially our relationships have been strongest with each of their birth mothers and their extended families.  So not a surprise to hear my little talk to me about adoption and our family as it’s our everyday life, just didn’t expect this kind of struggle that she is experiencing internally.

She knows and has always known that she did not come from my tummy where babies are before they are born.  She has known always that it was in the tummy of S that she grew and was loved from the start.  She knows that S chose us to be her parents and for her sister to be her sister.  We see S and it was right after a recent time together that my little shared what she was thinking.  I felt my heart tear into little pieces.  We let her share what she was feeling and tried our best to answer her.

Even with what we could answer, my husband and I think that a non-family member (therapist) versed in adoption and one who works with young children would be a better place for her to find herself and her answers.  With that said I got a referral from an adoption therapist with whom my husband and I have seen and drop in to see from time to time even still.

All my juggling fell aside I thought about what she must feel like but not knowing what she must feel like.  I wonder too if our older daughter has had similar thoughts but not shared them?  I needed to take the time to seek out a professional that I think will be a good fit.  Today I spoke with the one referred to us and I believe she will be a good fit but even still it must be a good fit for my daughter.  I liked her but it is my little who must find the comfort with her to talk and share her feelings.

So as I pick back up the balls and things I juggle in place, I will add this part to help my daughter and maybe both in time.

I am forever thankful to the community we built during our journey to parenthood through adoption.  It is this community I can turn to in times of need and they are there!

Do you have a community to lean on?

January 31, 2015

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Here we are the last day of January.   We are already finished with the first month of the new year.  The time of transitions as we shift from focus on holidays and celebrating with family and friends.  The new year shiny and bright.
Our first month of the year brought a lot of things to my family.  On the first of January we celebrated the 14th birthday of our beloved dog, Cody, in memoriam having lost him the month before.  In thinking of Cody, on this day we added a new dog to our family.  A 2-1/2 year old German Short-haired Pointer, named Freidmann.  Since picking him on New Year’s day we had a few days as a family for him to acclimate to us and bond with our other dog, our 19- month old Weimaraner, Pepper.
two happy dogs 1-1-15
January was a return to our schedule, our routine.  Back to work for my husband and back to school for our two girls.  Back to volunteering in classrooms for me and stepping up the planning of our school’s fundraising Gala/Auction which I am the chair.
In January we returned to the routine of after school activities as well, both girls restarted their ballet classes and Girl Scouts was back on the schedule.
The weather tricked us in January with very cold and frosty mornings, tulle fog on some days and warmer afternoons.  In fact, this last week has been in the 70s in the daytime.  AND the sun is starting to stay out later longer, now setting well after 5PM which shows the promise of Spring and Summer coming sooner than later.
Now that we are back in the swing of things, our life has taken on its natural hum of doing and going.   But there have been a few days scattered here and there that I was going through the motions.  Suddenly stuck unable to get more than simple tasks done.  Was it the gloomy weather or something else?
I will say with the sun and warm of this last week, I have a feeling of lightness and happiness!  Funny how weather can affect you.  This time of year when the weather is warm and nice is also the return of children’s voices outside.  Our girls and the neighbors playing, playing all day long!
So as we end January,  I look forward to February and what’s in store that is known,  and not known for our family.
How is the start of your New Year going?

we’ve put Christmas 2014 away (finally)

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It’s always hard for me to say goodbye to Christmas.  Our house always feels and looks lonely when all the decorations are put away for another year.  We usually wait for Little Christmas (12 days of Christmas, Epiphany) to take it all down.  This year we went another week longer as we couldn’t quite say goodbye yet to the holiday and it’s decorations.

christmas ornament storage

Our family had a wonderful Christmas with visiting family (Grammy & Truckie) as well as time spent with friends.  Both our girls still believe in Santa and the magic of our Elf on the Shelf, Earl.  Their beliefs help propel both my husband and I into the spirit of the holidays.  We also get to spend a lot of uninterrupted time together too.  My husband takes the week between Christmas and New Year’s off and, of course, our girls are off from school.

So it is another year we pack away with memories.  I wonder next year will our girls still have their belief of the wonder of Christmas?  We will have to see what the year ahead brings for them in their lives and where that will take us for the next Holidays.

Have you packed up your holidays yet?