a date night refresher …

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date night 8-14-14

It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it’s a nice way to reconnect as a couple.  My husband and I will be celebrating 15 years of marriage this October.  We have been together for 19 years as of this coming September and it is through all this time that I find we are still best friends with everything that has changed in our lives over all this time.

Last night was an adult escape for us.  Tickets to see Paul McCartney perform as the last show EVER at Candlestick in San Francisco.  What was even nicer for our date night, our eldest daughter’s birth mom is in town! So who better to stay and play with our girls while we get a night out?

I am a BIGGER fan of the Beatles and Paul than my husband but I know we both enjoyed the 3-hour long show, AMAZING!  The 2 hour+ drive gave us plenty of time to talk and laugh as we made our way from our home to the venue and then waiting in all the traffic for 49,000 fans to find parking!

Although we don’t get out much as just the two of us, I love when we do and can reconnect as the two adults we are.  As can be the case, our conversation was not dominated by talk of our girls, only bits and pieces.

It is important to have this time, just the two of us, it keeps us each whole and connected.

Can’t wait for the next time we can escape!

 

 

let’s be honest here …

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Anxiety_Depression_May_Raise_Stroke_Risk-e1345265372221

I sent an email to my husband at work this morning.  I probably should have had this conversation with him in person last night, but I hadn’t put into words, my words how the death of Robin Williams affected me. To my husband I shared that “I’m not sure that you fully understand the grey days that I have they are not caused by any event, they just are.  I thought with all the public talk of depression I need to be  more honest with you.  Although I have NEVER had any suicidal thoughts or any thoughts of harm, there are days for me that it is hard to just be upright.  I cannot put it into words how that feels.  I just want to be honest here and in that same token I can’t just be fixed I just need you to understand and not push me to feel better.”

I think I’ve suffered from this “grey” for a long time even when I was younger just never had a label for it.  Some days it was just easier to stay inside and hide then to be out and socialize.  When I lived alone whole weekends would go by and I would stay in my apartment just getting through the days before returning to work on Mondays. When we went through infertility and subsequently our journey to parenthood through adoption it was there, always there.  When I first became a mom people always commented how I would be out doing things ALL the time with my girls as they were babies and even still now that they are older.  No one knows but this is my coping mechanism so as not to let the “grey” take over.  If I’m home in the house too much I get boxed in and feel closed in.  Being out and about and doing things keeps these feelings at bay.  We all benefitted from my taking us out on adventures it clears my head and my girls and I got to experience things together. I was better at this when they were younger it takes more effort on my part now since they can entertain themselves and I can just sit.  I’ve missed out on social things because I just can’t shake this feeling, I’d rather do nothing and sleep by staying within myself than be out I need to be better at pushing myself to not let the “grey” take over even today.  I think it’s become more constant since I’ve hit the pre-menopausal stage of my life even with antidepressants.

What really struck a chord with me yesterday was when our 8-year-old shared that she felt glum a couple of times.  I know that feeling and it’s not easy to shake.  I will be watching her and talking with her to draw from her what she is feeling.  I am hoping for her it’s just the change in pace from the last few weeks of camp and activities but I will be watching.  Depression does not know age, it does not care who you are and as the world learned yesterday it does not care if you are rich and famous.

I am hopeful that now that I’ve been honest with my husband he can be there for me and not try to fix me.

Here are other personal accounts of friends and fellow bloggers who have been there and struggled

At the Napkin Holder In His Shoes

At Another Version Of Mother Depression Is

At No Points for Style An Eternal Multitude of Despondency

Birthdays are for celebrating!

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Happy-Birthday-Cake2

 

Summer is a lot of things, break from school, vacationing with family, summer camp and fun with friends!  Summer for our family is also birthday time for our girls with one born in July and the other in August.

Birthdays are a BIG deal for us.  BIG in that we celebrate for all its worth (and by the way not just for our girls but our birthdays too)!

Our youngest will be turning six this month, how did that happen?  She is excited for all her birthday entails including an overnight visit from the birthday fairy who leaves balloons in her room while she’s sleeping and at the kitchen table.  Of course she’s excited for the gifts, the party and the time honoring her, but she is also very excited that it means we will spend time with her birth family.

In fact both her birth mother and her sister’s birth mother will be celebrating our girls birthday for a weekend together!  We are all looking forward to next weekend when all of us will be together to celebrate and to bask in the girls and our family!  Everyone is in countdown mode for the airport pick up on Thursday morning and then imminent arrival of the rest of our family on Saturday.

This is not the only time we are ALL together but it is a special time going back to when each of our girls were born and we were invited to be at the hospital.  That was the time that our family really came together with all of us joining together as one unit.

So it is these birthdays we celebrate with all our heart and soul and our girls are the benefactors of all of us coming together!

and so with all that we know Birthday are for celebrating!

I am no longer a #Newbie at #BlogHer14!

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closing party selfie

It’s taken me a couple of days to decompress from the BlogHer14 conference weekend and to reenter my life!

This was my first ever blogging conference and saying I was a newbie is an understatement!

There was another reason why I was excited to be attending this conference.  This reason being I was going to meet one of my online friends in person!  Yes it’s true I have a community of friends who live in my computer from all over the place and on this occasion we were going to meet! Thrilling!

I was part of approximately 2500+ other bloggers, making me feel part impostor.  Although I have been blogging in journal fashion since early 2008 it was not until 2013 I jumped into the more public arena when I decided to add another blog.  While I’ve kept my family blog private I’ve now added a public voice to the adoption community from our family’s point of view with the added aspect of my being an “older” mom.

I have quite a lot of takeaways from this event and the ONE that sticks in my head at the highest level came out of the Blogging Fundamentals session from day one:

Defining Community

Within this community finding other people with similar experiences sharing challenges and joys. A community online includes readers, followers and commenters.  This really hit home for me as I believe this blog of mine has created a community a community of families and people just like me and my family.

I found this conference to be awe-inspiring in how many bloggers attended who write about so many topics from so many perspectives.  I was empowered at this conference from the #selfiebration tag celebrating ourselves, to the band “The Mrs.”  sharing their first song “I’m Enough” which is to become an anthem in my home for myself and my young daughters!

There was so much to do while there from the Expo, sessions, sitting in on the many different keynotes including but not limited to THE KERRY WASHINGTON of SCANDAL!!  Another highlight for me was attending the celebration for the bloggers selected as the Voices Of the Year! This is something I aspire to someday, being able to share something I’ve written out loud to share the experience with others.  The event was rounded out with the closing party starring Rev Run of DMC and this 50-something mom was out there dancing the night away and having fun!

Being a newbie can make you feel invisible with so many well-known bloggers in the group.  There was the newbie breakfast that connected me to others new to the community like myself.  And still yet there were others, veteran bloggers, open to getting to meet and know someone new on some level.  I had some reservations for myself knowing only one other person when planning to attend. What happened for me was amazing.  I met others like me newbie to this world of blogging and we found a way to connect.  In addition to meeting other newbies, I found myself in a group of women who fast became my friends and I to them.  How this happened was a simple introduction from the one person I knew here and before I knew it I was surrounded by this group of women and our friendship blossomed and our “tribe” ~  Cheryl, Phyllis, Danielle, Melissa,  Kimberly, Samantha!

Not only do I have a community that I’m continuing to build online with my voice that I share, I have joined a community of bloggers.  This community was real and I also take away with me the things I learned that will continue to inspire me as I share with all of you.

Luckily I was local and could drive myself down to the conference.  This being a BIG asset when I had to pack my car with the SWAG lots of it!  So not only is my head full but so were my bags! I look forward to sharing another BlogHer conference with the AWESOME bloggers that live  in my computer in the not too distant future!