Parenting

Am I ready for back to school?

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2014 back to school

It’s hard to believe as I sit here alone in my house that it is day TWO of the school year for both of my girls!  I am still wrapping my head around the fact that my little is in first grade and attends school for the whole day with pick up at the same time as her sister, 2:20 PM.

The new school year brings all kind of excitement and at the same time for me some sadness.  Yes the summer break is over.  The summer where we weaved in and out of any kind of routine from family vacation to summer camps to just hanging around or heading to the pool. Now my days are mine, and that brings some sadness.  We had a great summer together and also I will miss the 1/2 days I’ve had in past school years to spend with our youngest. The time that was just the two of us before picking up big sister later in the day at school.  It’s hard to have no one home with me, can you believe I just said that out loud? It’s been 8 years that I’ve had one or both girls with me all or most of the time.

I also wonder what school projects will be headed our way for both girls. Will there be any that will have us talk about how our family was built through open adoption?  How will we handle these projects?  Our girls are old enough now for they themselves to share and to whom they choose how our family was built.  Last year in second grade we had an ancestry project and we included birth family, will there be another project that we can do this as well for both of our girls?

This is now the time I need to reevaluate and think what am I going to do 5 days a week while both girls are in school.  My ideal would be to find a part-time job with hours from 9-1:00 PM three days a week.  That is what I hope to do, have some adult time earn some money and be there for both of our girls for drop off and pick up.  As we just started the school year, I have not yet given this much thought but will be looking into what opportunities I may find to fill my days and still allow me time for volunteering at school.  What do I want to be when I grow up?

The school year returns routine to our home and family.  Back to set bedtime and the morning wake up routine.  It also means the start-up of sports, both girls play recreational soccer, the continuation of their ballet classes and Girl Scouts restarts with the school year.

We are back to walking to school in the morning.  Something we have done in the past living only a 1/2 mile from school, but something that stopped the last year for the ending 4 months of school after my fall and tearing ligaments in my foot.

So now I am excited for our girls and what new learning opportunities there are before them in the 3rd grade and 1st grade.

After their first day filled with excitement I know they are ready to be back in school.  I still wonder though am I ready for back to school?

a date night refresher …

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date night 8-14-14

It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it’s a nice way to reconnect as a couple.  My husband and I will be celebrating 15 years of marriage this October.  We have been together for 19 years as of this coming September and it is through all this time that I find we are still best friends with everything that has changed in our lives over all this time.

Last night was an adult escape for us.  Tickets to see Paul McCartney perform as the last show EVER at Candlestick in San Francisco.  What was even nicer for our date night, our eldest daughter’s birth mom is in town! So who better to stay and play with our girls while we get a night out?

I am a BIGGER fan of the Beatles and Paul than my husband but I know we both enjoyed the 3-hour long show, AMAZING!  The 2 hour+ drive gave us plenty of time to talk and laugh as we made our way from our home to the venue and then waiting in all the traffic for 49,000 fans to find parking!

Although we don’t get out much as just the two of us, I love when we do and can reconnect as the two adults we are.  As can be the case, our conversation was not dominated by talk of our girls, only bits and pieces.

It is important to have this time, just the two of us, it keeps us each whole and connected.

Can’t wait for the next time we can escape!

 

 

Some days our hormones clash …

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hormones

 Lets start with where we are right now … my oldest daughter has hit the tween years also known as a preadolescent girl.  I on the other hand have been in the midst of perimenopausal symptoms….

Some girls are feisty from the get go …

The pre teen or “tween” years though, can be the time which parents find most confounding. At this time parents can struggle with everything from girls (and boys) becoming increasingly defiant…

Between the ages of 8 and 13, children are expected to push the boundaries and this is a part of becoming more independent. You can therefore expect girls at this age to disagree with you, show a bit of ‘attitude’, take risks and want to be more like their friends.

Pre teens and teens, therefore, are more likely to make decisions based on emotion and have poor foresight. They are also often sensitive, moody and unpredictable. 

Preadolescent Girl as discussed in the post  from the blog Child Psychologist, “Feisty Young Girls”

The Mayo Clinic lists some of these symptoms that can occur during the perimenopausal period some subtle — and some not-so-subtle — changes in your body may occur. Some things you might experience include:

Hot flashes and sleep problems. Many women experience hot flashes during perimenopause. The intensity, length and frequency vary. Sleep problems are often due to hot flashes or night sweats, but sometimes sleep becomes unpredictable even without them.

Mood changes. Some women experience mood swings, irritability or increased risk of depression during perimenopause, but the cause of these symptoms may be sleep disruption caused by hot flashes. Mood changes may also be caused by factors not related to the hormonal changes of perimenopause.

And so there we have it, two of us on our own independent hormonal roller coaster at the same time!

This is not how I envisioned motherhood not knowing that I would be in my forties when our family was started.  No one talks about what it’s like to have these perimenopausal symptoms. No one discusses what it’s like to be a mom with children just embarking on their own hormonal changes at the same time.

It can be very challenging on the days that our hormones clash.  This can be very hard on all of us including my husband and our younger daughter.

Sometimes I hear how I scold her or respond to her when she has been short with me.  This is not a good cycle for either of us nor will it be good when my youngest in two years hits her stride as a tween/preadolescent girl.

I have had to rethink how I handle things on some days and manage myself about how I talk, my tone of voice and to watch my patience dissolve.  At the same time, I am trying to teach my daughter it’s not what you say but how you say it (role model, yeah not me so much, some of the times).

I take time to apologize when I’ve been out of line so there is no more hurt feelings, I really want to make sure both my girls and my husband too understand it’s not necessarily under my control.  I see this too in my daughter’s reactions and actions.  We are not out to hurt or make each other upset there are just some days that our hormones clash…

 

“Everyone has a birth mother…”

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“Everyone has a birth mother some call them Mom and live with them; others know them and call them by name.” This thought shared to me by my eldest who will soon be eight years old.

Profound in my mind to say the least.

This conversation started as both our girls were asking both my husband and I when our “Family Days” are while driving in the car one afternoon.  (Our family celebrates each of our girl’s Family Day.  This being the day their adoptions were finalized and we  became their legal parents in the eyes of the family court system.  Each year on the anniversary of these dates we remember how we became a family and now that our girls are at an age to help celebrate they get to choose dinner plans for their day.)

So when are your family days they kept asking.  Well we actually don’t have a specific family day like you do.   For a brief moment they sat with that thought.  Our conversation continued with why we celebrate Family Day for them and why we actually don’t have one.  And then our oldest clarified out loud  so your birth mom is Grammy (husband’s Mom) and yours is Grandma (my mom) right?” and then the profound statement “Everyone has a birth mother some call them Mom and live with them; others know them and call them by name.” Yes that is so very true!

I sat there with a smile on my lips at this conversation, how smart she is how she connects  her story our family’s story and how profound she can be at times.  Then of course the conversation took a complete turn and on to the next thought, where are we stopping for lunch!