open adoption

Thankful for family

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thanks·giv·ing (thngks-gvng)
noun
1. An act of giving thanks; an expression of gratitude, especially to God: a hymn of thanksgiving.
2. Thanksgiving – Thanksgiving Day.

grati·tude (grat′i tood′)
noun
1. a feeling of thankful appreciation for favors or benefits received
2. thankfulness.

fate (fāt)
noun
1. the power or agency supposed to determine the outcome of events before they occur; destiny
2. a. something inevitable, supposedly determined by this power
b. what happens or has happened to a person or entity; lot;

family photo collage adoption

November and Thanksgiving especially brings out many emotions…thankfulness, gratefulness, love, happiness and gratitude. Have we always felt like this at the holidays? Does everyone feel the way we do now? I can think back to holidays when we were trying to have children and I am pretty sure we were not feeling much happiness and gratitude but what changed for us?

Back in 2005 we had come to a place of unknowns knowing that the one thing we wanted most was to be parents. After trying on our own and subsequently fertility treatments with no success it became for us about being “mom” & “dad” and not needing to be pregnant to get to there and realized adoption was the path we needed to take to become a family.

Our journey to parenthood was not the original one we planned but we see that this is how it was meant to be. Now here we are the proud parents of two beautiful girls! and now have a very large extended family that combined from each of our girl’s families!

All the twists and turns were made easier with the guidance of the wonderful professional, Ellen Roseman,  we worked with who helped to prepare us for the relationships we share with each of our girl’s birth mothers, birth father’s and their extended families. We know that our children cannot have too many people in their lives who love them and it has been our blessing to have our family expanded so seamlessly.

So most especially at this time of year, we feel enormous LOVE and GRATITUDE for those who chose us to be parents. We realize their decisions demonstrate the true meaning of unconditional love and we will always share an important and unending bond with them.

We LOVE our girls unconditionally and are raising them to appreciate the selfless gift of adoption as much as we do.

There are many other bloggers participating in BlogHer’s National Blog Posting Month.  Click here #NaBloPoMo to read more, Enjoy!

15 years married

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photo (15)

It was 15 years ago on this date, that I married my best friend in front of family and friends on a beautiful warm autumn day on Long Island.

I can look back in my mind’s eye to this beautiful happy day like it was yesterday.  We did not know what the journey ahead would be for us we just knew we wanted to spend our lives together.  We have been together for 19 years having dated for 4 years before marrying.

What began as a friendship and blossomed into romance and now has deepened into a love and relationship that I could never imagine.  To have this man by my side is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Over the years together we have had our ups and downs and we have weathered the storm coming out as a stronger team together.

I could never have imagined the journey our lives together would take and would never change a thing.  This man who is now the father to our children.  Each of our girls entrusted to us at birth. Our family expanding not only with the addition of our daughters but with each of their families. The love and friendship we share with all of our girls families only enhancing our love for each other.

Here we are 15 years later, we lived in San Francisco then to our first home purchased together in El Cerrito, then onto Hercules and now to our home in Poet’s Corner.  We have traveled together including Alaska, Mexico, back and forth to the East Coast and our honeymoon in France and Italy.  Later visiting friends and wandering through Australia.  I first started camping with this man and now our family enjoys yearly summer camping together.  We drove to our first daughter’s birth in Minnesota seeing it as an adventure leaving behind our coupledom .

Raising two girls together who are now 8 and 6 years old.  The fun and hectic parts of our daily lives that doesn’t always leave time for us.  I cherish our family time together but most importantly I cherish the time we get together just the two of us whether it’s after our girls have gone to bed or we’ve actually gone out on a date! The ups and downs of everyday life have only strengthened our friendship and love for each other.

Here’s to another 15 years and more, my love I wouldn’t want to share this crazy life with anyone else, Happy Anniversary!

can differences divide?

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divided_highway_ahead

This summer our girls attended Girl Scout day camp.  This was their 3rd year there.  It is a great full-day camp that runs for 9 days in the hills of Berkeley in Tilden Park.  What was especially nice this summer, is at this camp our girls can reconnect with some of their friends from the town we used to live and moved from over a year ago.

It’s taken me a bit to digest the first week of this summer camp and why I’m sharing now in late September.

It was quite a surprise when it happened, the differences that were making a GREAT divide.  You see my eldest daughter was reunited with most of the girls from her previous Girl Scout troop at camp something she really looked forward to.  This was a troop that had started in kindergarten and one we were part of through part of 2nd grade even after we had moved.  So both she and I were caught off guard with the questions one of our friends was asking, almost taunting both my daughter and I about.  “Are you adopted?” she asked each of us, first A during the camp day and then me at pick up “Isn’t A adopted?”.  I could see A was upset at pick up and realized as soon as I was approached by this girl that that may be the reason.  You see our family was built through adoption and we make no secret about it and this girl having been part of our circle of friends knew this.  So I pressed her what was her sudden interest, was there something she wanted to know about how we became a family?, who all our family was? why was she taunting us as she asked?

At 8 years old, A can choose who and what she shares about our family story.  She knows how our family was built, she knows and has ongoing relationships with ALL her family.  She chooses at this age not to always talk about it.  Our story is not a secret but a private family matter.  So being questioned like this was upsetting to her and me. Furthermore, this girl went on to tell everyone in their group at camp.  That truly was the most upsetting part.  Who was she to retell A’s story?  What did she get from telling the other girls?   Why did she feel this need to make A feel different from the group?  This was not very Girl Scout like for sure.  Her actions were creating differences that ultimately could divide the group and we still had many days of camp left to go.

When I was approached by this girl, my daughter’s friend, I asked her why? why was she asking this day?  Was there something she really wanted to know?  I am happy to explain more about our family make up and use it as an educational moment, but that didn’t seem to be what she wanted.

I wanted this to stop.  No one should try to divide a group and make anyone feel different.  I asked A if I could call her friend’s mother to let her know what was going on.  She agreed that it would be ok.  I did make the call, I did explain all that I had tried to share with her daughter trying to make it a positive by turning it into an educational moment about how families can be made differently.  She apologized for her daughter but her daughter never apologized to either of us.

This incident left me wondering, was this the start of others looking at our family so differently that they wanted us to feel that way, to divide us from others? Then I thought how do we better prepare our daughters for this?  How do we protect their hearts when someone is asking with the type of intent that hurts?

to lose a grandmother …

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grandma mac 2012

The other day we learned Grandma Mac had passed away, our girls have lost one of their loving Grandmas and Tim and I have lost a wonderful woman who treated and loved us like one of her own.

We became part of their clan when our oldest was entrusted to us at her birth. I will miss the calls I would get from Grandma Mac just to talk and pass on some parenting advice, we will ALL miss her terribly.

Telling our girls was the hardest part of this day.  This is the second grandparent to die in their young lifetime.

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This poem helps our girls know that they have not lost their Grandma forever that she lives in our hearts and when she is thinking of us you might find a penny from her letting you know she is around.