The birds & bees talk continues

talkin-bout-the-birds-and-the-bees

I did blush, well internally for sure.  You see there was never any talk about our bodies and what they do when I was growing up.  My mother signed the permission slip for first, the film strip in 4th grade, and then the movie in 5th grade about puberty and all that goes along with that.  When I got home after each event, she asked if I had any questions.  Yep that was the extent of my learning about my body and what it could do as a girl and woman.

We have taken a slightly different approach in our home.  We have regular matter of fact conversations and are open to questions about what is this and how does that work.  There may be days you may enter and hear a conversation about penises and vaginas.  I think back to when our oldest was just over 3 years old and asked me how she got into C’s tummy (her birth mother) yep that stumped me not so much the question but the age and it’s not the love and marriage conversation. After checking in with other mom friends who too are mothers through adoption I had a good response that I hoped would help answer her question with age appropriate discussion.  After that she followed up with a “how did I come out of there?” question which I could more easily answer since both my husband and I were at the hospital for her birth on C’s invitation.

We’ve been talking to our girls now 8 and 6 years old about what will be happening for them in the next few years as they reach puberty through some great books – The Care and Keeping of You 2 and It’s not the Stork. Our conversations have been on a question answer system as we read through these books and learn about what’s to come.

Recently we added a new dog to our family.  A 2-1/2 year old male German Short-haired Pointer, Freidmann.  He joins our other dog, Pepper a 19-month old female Weimaraner.  As the two dogs have been bonding, there have been more than playful encounters.  Ones where the male dog has jumped onto the rear of the female and it’s a bit more than fun and our girls have witnessed these moments.  It is now that this brings us to the next discussions about sex and procreation.  We shared age appropriately how a baby can be made.  After sharing what they witnessed and also letting them know humans do this too, they both seemed satisfied with the scientific details of the how since they had just witnessed two dogs trying the act.

Like other discussions in our home and our comfort of allowing questions of any kind, I think we are headed on the right path of knowledge for both our girls.  Giving them the info that will help them better understand themselves and what happens as they grow up.  The birds and bees are a part of our lives and not going away even if we shy away from these discussions.  I really don’t want our girls to learn this from their friends.  I am happy both my husband and I have the same belief about this.  After all he is surrounded by girls and it will be in his face whether he wants it to be or not.  This is the man early on in our relationship had to run to the store for me to get me tampons.  So you see he gets it on some level!

What do you share with your children about the birds and bees?

My word for 2015

em·brace as defined by Google
əmˈbrās/
verb
  1. hold (someone) closely in one’s arms, especially as a sign of affection.
    “Aunt Sophie embraced her warmly”
    synonyms: hug, take/hold in one’s arms, hold, cuddle, clasp to one’s bosom,clasp, squeeze, clutch; More

  2. accept or support (a belief, theory, or change) willingly and enthusiastically.
    “besides traditional methods, artists are embracing new technology”
    synonyms: welcome, welcome with open arms, accept, take up, take to one’s heart, adopt; More

    I’ve never chosen a word to define how I would approach my New Year before.  I’ve always picked on a few resolutions that I thought I could maintain throughout the year but they usually fall to the wayside soon after or at least by mid-year.

    So this year at the beginning of 2015 I have chosen “Embrace” as defined above.

    For me I will start this year with an embrace to change both physical and psychological parts of me.  And by change I mean to handle differently.  I will work on embracing my body and health as they are, I am 51 and with that things are different then I was when I was 31.  In embracing who I am I will also embrace new ways to take care of myself both in eating habits and getting off the couch.

    I want to embrace ALL the relationships in my life with my husband, my girls and other family and friends.  Sometimes these relationships are taken for granted and I want to look through and keep the healthy happy relationships.  I want to both physically embrace these people in my life as well as support who they are in my life.

    From a parenting perspective I want to embrace the milestones and changes that each of our girls are experiencing.  Embrace their new selves and work with embracing who they are becoming.  I need to embrace these changes and challenge myself to change my parenting style to fit who they are becoming.

    I want to embrace our lives together in both a BIG HUG and support who we all are.

    I think this is a good challenge for me in these pivotal years of my girls as preadolescent and me as I make my ways through menopause.

    a new year quote

    I will check in on myself here from time to time to see how in line to my word of the year I am. I do after all have 365 days to embrace my word!

    Have you chosen a word for yourself for 2015?  Please share if you have.

     

a look back at pictures

Our girls LOVE to hear about things they did as babies and toddlers!  They laugh and giggle when they hear about something they said and did back then. All of their 8 and 6 years have been captured with digital cameras.

Their first year and our story of how we became a family is in a book for each them to read and look at time and time again.

girls story books

Last night both girls got their books out.  We sat around and looked through them together.  Each book starts off the same with a bit about me and my husband and our life together and why we wanted to be a Mommy & Daddy.

The books go on to illustrate each of our meetings in the beginning of our family’s story with their birth mothers while they were not yet born.  We have pictures of each woman pregnant with them.

The books go on in pictures with captions to follow their first year including the day we went to family court and legally became a family.  At the time I made these books I also made copies for their birth mothers to have as well.

Our girls keep these in their room and from time to time I will find it in their bed as they’ve looked through it on their own time.  And like last night we will all sit together and talk about our family and laugh at their babyisms!

Pictures really tell us a story, and put together in these books it tells their stories.

in her little girl voice she asked

“Where do I belong?”

It was not too long after my birthday and the fun surprise visit from our little’s birth mom.  She seemed suddenly unable to know who or where she belonged in our family.

20130925-223619

My heart knows where she belongs with ALL of us as we are all family.  I spoke with her trying to get her to explain how she was feeling.  Trying to answer her questions and emotions.  Letting her ask and speak before reassuring her that we are all family.  That we all love each other and explaining how our family came to be.  How S chose us to be her parents. How we love S and we love her. How she can love S like we do and does not need to choose who to love.

But I’ve come to realize that it’s not just me she needs to talk about this. My husband and I have reached out to our community in search of a child therapist to give our daughter a safe place to speak all her feelings and emotions.  We never want her to feel divided or unsure where she belongs and so it is with that belief that we will find her someone to talk to.

I hurt for my little girl.  I cannot imagine what she feels in this situation we can only find ways to be there for her and allow her the space and place to work this out.