a call …

It seems odd that as grown people we would have fear about a phone call?  Both of us professionals out there in the world talking to all kinds of people.  What would promote this fear in us?

The fear of the unknown, who is this person on the other line?  Do they know how nervous we are? What do we say?  How do we start this conversation?

Of all the things that may come to us through our journey to parenthood through adoption, this was our first biggest fear!  The first call!

When asked by the professionals working with us what we feared, we replied it would be the call or calls, how do we do it?  The concept of speaking with an expectant mom or their family member or friend about the possibility of an adoption placement scared us.  How would this conversation work, what do we say?

Luckily we had the wisdom of our facilitator in our ear with some advice:  just have a conversation, they are like a friend let the conversation happen.  You know what else she reminded us?  They are pretty nervous too on the other end!

Along with helping us see what to do she had some questions that would start a conversation should we find ourselves stumped as well as to see if the caller had true intentions.

And so it begins we did receive some calls right after our website went live and we found we didn’t have to fear a call, just take it like a friend calling and who knows what might happen the next time we answer our phone …

 

 

losing control and letting go …

Yes it’s true, I along with my husband had to learn to lose control and let go on our journey to parenthood.  Why you ask?

Well there are parts of the journey you can control:

  1. what professionals you choose to work with from agency, attorney, or facilitator
  2. to how you want to proceed with letting the world know you are hoping to adopt from using agency outreach, or creating your own outreach
  3. how your outreach looks and who may help you create it or by yourself
  4. how you educate yourselves on considerations in adoption i.e. what nationality, any exposures, siblings, etc.
  5. Say no to situations that may not fit or feel right for your family

And then there are the parts of the journey you learn you cannot control:

  1. how your outreach is perceived out in the public eye either for or against advertising while hoping to adopt
  2. if and when an expectant mom finds you and or your profile while considering an adoption placement
  3. if the hoping to adopt and thinking to place will mean parenthood

It is not that easy to let go and give up that much control.  What we learned is as we embraced this journey to parenthood we needed to embrace what we were working towards; and that this would happen we just couldn’t help what the timeline would be.

And letting go of the control takes time but we did find there are things to keep you busy:

  • first with interviewing and attending orientations to select a professional or professionals to work with
  • then its the homestudy, autobiographical questionnaires and home visits
  • then deciding how and where to prepare and send outreach materials as proposed by professionals
  • do we or don’t we start a nursery? yes we did! painted in neutral colors, with a non-gender specific artwork ~farm animals!  crib, dresser and rocking chair!

And then the busy work is done and the WAIT begins … this is when you really realize there is not much to do but wait, you can’t do more but embrace your journey and maybe just go a little crazy!