I sit here thinking nothing in life is perfect and the expectation that it should be is not good. But here I sit thinking how to keep the balance of how often our girls see their birth families so that they feel equal.
You see at 7 and 5 years old it counts! And at the same time geography plays an important role in the amount of visits with one family.
We live in California and our elder daughter was born in Minnesota. Both her birth mother and her extended family still live in Minnesota and so does her birth father and his family. We travel to Minnesota every other summer and her birth mother visits in California at least 2-3 times throughout the year. Between visits we rely on Skype to brush away the miles and keep the connection/relationships ongoing.
Our younger daughter was born an hour south of where we live and her birth mother and her family live in the area and her birth father and family live just a few hours away. So as you can see its easier to get together because proximity makes it so.
I feel sad when I have to explain why we don’t see C more and why we see S more. I don’t want our girls to feel different because of geography. We have explained that when C was choosing a family she wanted a family in California and that was her choice and the opposite was true for S. S wanted a family that lived locally for her own reasons.
I know I can’t make this situation perfect but I also want it to feel fair to our girls so it continues to be a balancing act.